November 18, 2010

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0028

The video link is highly susceptible to link-rot. Enjoy it before Warner Music Group gets it pulled.

November 17, 2010

October 28, 2010

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0026

If only this was available on a keychain so, for example, you could obnoxiously taunt your Grandma and Grandpa after you and your cousin crush them in a game of Wii bowling around the holidays.

October 27, 2010

October 19, 2010

Have You Purchased Enough Licensed Merchandise To Be Considered The Ultimate Kiss Fan, Punk?

There are a ton of these ridiculous contest videos online. These were just the first few which caught my attention. As you watch more and more of them, it begins to feel depressing and hopeless.


Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0024

October 13, 2010

September 09, 2010

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0019

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0018

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0017

The kid got laid by a mini-Apollonia after the video wrapped. And on a related note... I like to imagine that the excitement came to a sudden, uncomfortable end when Prince finished and James spotted celebrated violinist Itzhak Perlman in the audience, insisting he come on stage and do something. Related: The Purple Guy

July 01, 2010

Elvis Presley's Coat

June 26, 2010

The Home Run

May 24, 2010

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0015

Fantasy... Reality...

May 11, 2010

May 10, 2010

How To Make A Fever Even Worse In One Simple Step

I had a fever this weekend. I remember being fascinated with the film Altered States when I saw it in the 80s, so I decided to stream it via Netflix. Bad idea. Matthew Barney (aka "the most important artist of his generation") basically made a career out of recreating those sequences over and over and over and over again.

Midget-Sized Stupidity: Episode #0005


April 08, 2010

April 04, 2010

April 01, 2010

Absurd Juxtaposition #0021

Separated at birth: Serge Gainsbourg... and Michael J. Anderson.

March 31, 2010

A PIZZA TEEN! WTF?! Photo Of The Day

This dude had the mainframe installed in his basement to help calculate a good excuse for his shitty taste in shoes.

March 30, 2010

The Purple Guy

I was thinking about the movie Purple Rain today. Remember how Prince rode around the cold streets of Minneapolis on a purple motorcycle while donning poofy, Jheri-curled hair, high-heeled French boots, and a lacy, ruffly ascot? And he was usually scowling. Can you imagine how crazy it would be if a guy like that actually lived in your neighborhood? You'd give him a name like "The Purple Guy." You'd see him riding around town on his purple bike, going through the Burger King drive-thru or picking up his dry cleaning. You'd tell your friends about how you'd seen this crazy-ass purple guy, but they'd just laugh at you. You'd go to the club that weekend, and-- holy shit!-- the little purple guy would be up there on stage with his weird-ass band, singing songs about going crazy, and crying doves and masturbation.

March 28, 2010

March 21, 2010

March 14, 2010

March 07, 2010

February 28, 2010

February 21, 2010

February 16, 2010

February 14, 2010

February 07, 2010

February 04, 2010

A Flying Saucer Creature Named Zog

From Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions (1973): "...A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on earth to explain how wars could be prevented, and how cancer could be cured. Zog brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farting and tap-dancing. Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap-dancing, warning people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained him with a golf-club..."

January 24, 2010

January 17, 2010

January 11, 2010

Fan Mail

So, I was having this lighthearted Facebook conversation with some old friends about a Chicago radio station. (click to enlarge) Based upon the content of that thread, I was contacted privately by an old girlfriend whom I have neither seen nor spoken with in nearly 20 years. To be fair, this ex-girlfriend had contributed to this thread, but her posts don't appear because they vanished after she blocked me or whatever. Judge for yourself. HER: "So, I see you haven't changed at all." ME: "How so?" HER: "You still look down on others (or at least seem to) in situations that do not call for it. It's tiresome, and I've seen it since high school. I expected that you would have grown up a little more by now." ME: "What a cranky, unqualified message. You're coming out of the blue to attack me based solely on how you are interpreting a stupid Facebook thread when viewed through your 20-YEAR OLD (!!!) lens, lady. Lighten up and leave me alone." HER: "No problem, Old Man. Have fun on your high horse! You will not hear from me again." ME: "Fuck you."

January 10, 2010