June 30, 2008


I have spent over 6 weeks suffering under the weight of severe allergies. I am whacked up on 4 different prescriptions and two of those inhalers kids used to stuff into their tube sock during gym class in case they had an asthma attack. The chronic coughing keeps me up until 3-4AM every night, my entire body aches, I routinely vomit up phlegm, and I have passed the breaking point mentally to a place of acceptance and giddiness. All I can do now, is laugh. I offer up to the bronchial gods this MadTV classic with hopes they will remove my curse!

18 Minutes With Naked Raygun

When it comes down to it, these guys are the only Chicago band I still enthusiastically listen to. My first concert was a Naked Raygun show at the Riviera in '87, and the fanatical energy of the crowd scared the shit out of me. The two live tracks here are from that show. Favorite tracks on the playlist? "The Envelope" and "Knock Me Down."

A PIZZA TEEN! WTF?! Photo Of The Day

How to determine if you are a boob in one easy step: (1) buy this product. Retail price: $230. I've come to the conclusion that you have to be a graphic designer or a graphic designer in training (i.e. skateboarder or "graffiti" artist) to really understand the appeal of trading cash for hyper-designed vinyl and plastic toys like the ones sold at kidrobot. And although I pay my rent as a designer for a popular youth-oriented lifestyle corporation, they still strike me as little more than silly dust collectors better viewed than owned. But beyond that, you'd have to be a bonafied dipshit to not recognize to utter lameness of a Sex Pistols "bearbrick."

June 29, 2008

State Of The Music Industry: Part 1

If you can get past the 1-minute mark, you are a stronger person than myself.

F'd Puppet of the Week 6/29/08

I present this in honor of Gay Pride Month. Why hasn't THIS old TV show been made into a movie yet? And I think we have discovered what drove a young Corey Feldman to drugs...

June 27, 2008

A PIZZA TEEN! WTF?! Photo Of The Day

PIZZA TEEN! foreign correspondent Paul DeGeorges has risked life & limb to wire the hard-hitting photos below from the frontlines of Killarney, Ireland. We'll have more on this breaking international catastrophe as it develops. May God have mercy on the souls of the good people of Killarney. Our lives are now bisected into the placid bubble of innocence we enjoyed before we saw these photos and the lives we must live afterward.

June 26, 2008

A PIZZA TEEN! WTF?! Photo Of The Day

Spotted in Soho near the corner of Prince & Mercer. Notice the lovely updated giant robot from the album art of Queen's "News of the World"-- the bloodied corpses of Brian and Freddie have been substituted with a crystalline rose. And is that a nude Emmylou Harris in the foreground? God, I hope so!

June 25, 2008

Three Awkward Moments with Andy Kaufman

Andy Drops A Sketch and Abuses The Actors Kaufman hosts a live broadcast of Fridays and gives up on a skit halfway through, leading to on-air fisticuffs. Andy actually planned the prank with cast member Michael Richards (who would go on to stardom with his role in Transylvania 6-5000) as well as the producer seen at the end, but the other actors weren't in on the joke. Without the meltdown, It's a tired, unfunny routine (was there ever a Fridays skit that didn't involve recreational drugs?) turning a forgettable moment into an unforgettable (but very uncomfortable) one. Andy Displays Contempt for His Fans Andy torments his television audience during the end credits of his PBS special, pretending to drop the television facade and show his true colors. (by the way, he really was a vegetarian). Jerry Lawler Slaps Andy Around I almost didn't include this, since we've all seen it already, but this is an uncensored cut. Like the Friday's incident, it was staged. Kaufman and Lawler were friends. However, Andy really did need that brace; the neck injury was real. Comedy genius or misanthropic sociopath? You decide. (bonus links: Andy's adopted children, and his appearance on the dating game)

PIZZA TEEN! Readers Poll Results

QUESTION: How does the image above make you feel?

  • Despondent 0%
  • Optimistic 16%
  • Hungry 0%
  • Patriotic 33%
  • Horny 50%
Be sure to vote in the current poll!


The modified "Tijuana Bible" below comes from the website of Ethan Persoff. Politically, it's actually kind of empty-- he just pops a few heads over other heads. If you are a kid or someone easily offended, you should probably go no further. But if you are a weirdo like me, proceed by clicking the image. Ethan has a bundle of other novelties on his site. I recommend checking out his image game, "Poodle"

June 23, 2008

June 17, 2008

PIZZA TEEN! Readers Poll Results

QUESTION: The complicated hairdos of four popular musicians enter Thunderdome. Select the owner of the victorious mane.

  • Art Garfunkel 57%
  • Don Henley (Hotel California era) 14%
  • Neal Schon (late 70s) 0%
  • Martin Gore (Some Great Reward era) 28%
Be sure to vote in the current poll!

June 16, 2008

4 Worthwhile Tracks From The Revenge Of The Nerds Soundtrack

The retail version of the Revenge of the Nerds soundtrack is incredibly disappointing. It consists of 10 tracks. 4 of them are iconic and are presented here. If you've seen the film, you'll surely recall them. The omitted tracks consist of the title track (played at the beginning of the film and utterly obnoxious when heard alone) and 5 pop songs which served as background fodder-- I only recall hearing one of them, yet I estimate I've seem the film 40 times. Plus, they suck! I'm sure there were legal complications which prevented the inclusion of "Burning Down the House," "Thriller," the Mission Impossible theme, and "We Are the Champions," but where's the other less complicated stuff like the Japanese version of "Daisy," or the various computer-driven incidental themes? Oh well. A very special thank you to D. Bratton at safetybear.com.

June 15, 2008

F'd Puppet of the Week 6/15/08

Advisory - Contains violence, harsh language, and a puppet that will give you nightmares on par with that freaky clown from Poltergiest.

June 10, 2008

Retrotech: Newton

With its √úbercute "Disney's Black Hole" school of robot design, a 16-bit computer, 720k floppy drive, built-in telephone answering machine, and a $12,000 price tag (in 1989 dollars), why didn't every home have one of these? Maybe because it's little more than a pricey version of the Big Trak, only without the useful cargo transport capabilites.

F'd Puppet of the Week 6/8/08

Why does this have better production value than the last three Tim Burton movies???

June 02, 2008

Jennifer Sullivan's "Ms. Walden Woods Dancehall Queen"

According to legend, Henry David Thoreau once performed a similar dance to Stephen Foster's "Camptown Races." Here's Jennifer's website.

June 01, 2008

F'd Puppet of the Week 6/1/08

Yes, in the early days, Jim Henson hawked anything he could to get the money he needed to get going, including bread, LaChoy canned crap, RC Cola, and of course Wilkins Coffee. But my favorie is this meat company. Vague, characterless Muppets selling vague, unidentifiable luncheon meats. I particulalry like the end as one Muppet send the other to his certain death in the darkest, pointiest tree I have ever seen this side of a Tim Burton flick. Enjoy!

TSR: The Game Wizards

Continued After Next Page #2

THE FUTURE!:Three Scenarios

Scenario 1: The future as a kind of heaven Scenario 2: The future as a kind of hell Scenario 3: The future as a kind of ?????