My New Best Friend

This beastly Mongo-like chunk in a dirty diaper is my new best friend. I ride upon his shoulders, digging my fingers deep into the beefy-smelling juiciness of his creamy neck fat. He eats pets and wood and bricks and furniture and other children, and not even the combined efforts of our National Forces can stop him. In private, I have earned his trust, and he has confided in me that he vows to have Duke Leto Attreides' signet ring and control of the spice!

Enchanted Children Hunting Easter Eggs

The thing is, I vividly recall every detail of this moment. I remember being rushed into position by the photographer. You're probably thinking I look like I was bursting with glee because of the rabbit. I wasn't. I'm sneaking a greasy glance at that girl's ugly hat and thinking, "Kid, it's warm out. Why are you wearing that stupid hat? Take a hike! This is MY time!"

And at that very moment in an alternate universe...

I Gotta Ask...

When Wayland Flowers was trying to get it on with another guy for the first time, do you suppose he ever whipped out Madame and used the puppet's charms to overcome his lover's inhibitions? Come on, he MUST have.

That's Mighty Fine Tickin', Maw

Pig In a Pickle from Walter Lantz Studios, 1954

Here's another one which remains branded into my brain verbatim, note for note, despite the 20-plus years of adventures since the last time I saw it. The video is a shitty screen capture, but it's the best version I've seen.

Hillbillies fascinate and terrify me. I suspect this cartoon served as the foundation for that disposition.

Aw, Ya Sissy!

Adventures of Popeye from Fleischer Studios, 1935

Been searching for this for years! I hadn't seen it since I was maybe 11-years-old, but it's interesting how precisely I remember the rhythm and tone of all the sounds. The live-action stuff at the beginning and end are particularly strange. Seeing that freckled-faced, sour-puss punk getting busted hard in the chin by a sissy jacked-up on spinach remains one of the most satisfying endings I've ever seen. It's frustrating to see the hyper-kinetic animation of today in comparison to this hand-rendered Fleischer Studios stuff because there's so much soul on display. It's a lost art, a far better art, in my opinion.

Alan: A Video Junkie

Nick El Rabo. Nico El Rico.

Feel free to turn the volume as high as it'll fuckin' go, then play them simultaneously.

Absurd Juxtaposition #0014 - VIDEO!

One from the Pizza Teen! archives. Originally appeared 10/8/07.

Play them simultaneously.