BREAKING NEWS! More Americans Are Giving Up Golf! Hooray!

I was very pleased by this New York Times article discussing the demise golf. It offers a glimmer of hope, kind of like someone announcing that they may have discovered a cure for evil itself. Here are some good, out of context quotes which bring a smile to my face:

• "We have to change our mentality."
• "The problem was not a game of golf. It was the game of golf itself."
• "...The ship is sinking."
• "A two-year campaign by the foundation to bring new players into the game...'hasn’t shown much in the way of results.'"
• "...If we don’t repackage our facilities to a more family orientation, we’re dead.”

Good riddance! Twain said golf was a good walk spoiled. I've golfed three times in my life, and the only thing I enjoyed about it was driving the white clown car. Add a turret on top, allowing me to squirt steaming liquid shit from afar at a CEO, and I'll get a club membership. The only version of the game which amuses me is the one which requires me to hit the ball past a mechanical indian's tomahawk. Professor Carlin really expresses my sentiment best: