February 16, 2008

Siskel & Ebert Review Conan The Destroyer

I'd like to recreate this review word for word, shot for shot, and enter the finished product into a film festival. It's so goddamn absurd. Ebert's comment at the 2:53 mark really seals the deal for me and transforms the clip into a perfect example of post-modern comedy. Ah, yes, the good old days, when entire pivotal battle sequences were spoiled in the course of a review. If Ebert had a glow-in-the-dark hard-on for Conan The Destoyer, surely he must have erected a permanent golden shrine in his underwear upon viewing The Barbarians, a worse film which is a billion times more entertaining, set in an equally generic universe and starring the barely intelligible drooling meat-trolls, "The Barbarian Brothers."

7 comments:

Chart Smart said...

NICE Blog :)

Lance Ehlers said...

Thank you, Sir!

Lance Ehlers said...

...or Madame.

stexe said...

Ebert is a very smart guy (behold his russ meyer screenplays for proof), but he's also a populist when it comes to criticism. That's how he got famous. And I agree with him: "destroyer" is a better film than its predecessor. It's more colorful, funnier, and it has that weirdo from "repo man" in it. Siskel was just a dweeb with conventional taste and no sense of humor. I enjoyed the very last line of this clip, "Gene missed a strong relationship between Conan and a woman".

Lance Ehlers said...

Better than the first one? Bah! You're high, man. Come on! James Earl Jones transforming into a snake, "The Riddle Of Steal," his sidekick Subotai, the big battle at the mounds? Neither film is true to the brooding guy who bashes in skulls with turkey legs in Robert Howard's stories, but the first one is certainly closest.

stexe said...

I'm no robert howard scholar, and I don't even like the sequel all that much. I just think the first film is a bore. But maybe not if you listen to governor schwarzenegger's commentary track on the dvd. Talk about a meat-troll. These sorts of movies are digestible only if they don't take themselves seriously. But what do I know.... I'm a guy who includes "screwballs" among my top ten favorite films.

Lance Ehlers said...

I used to have no problem at all renting rated-R films when I was in Junior High until my mom walked on the inflated penis gag in Screwballs.