April 24, 2008

Zubaz: The Next Generation

From the offical Zubaz clothing website: "Our bold patterns and classic styles are back...still just the way you like them. In the fall of 2007 Zubaz made their proud return, featuring classic patterns and bold colors, just like you always remembered. With only slight refinements, our Zubaz pants are ready for the next generation." Yeah, the next generation of date rapists, abusive husbands, felons, Italian jerkoffs, pill-poppers, Camaro IROC-Z/28 captains, wrestling fanatics and assorted semi-sentient humanoids. I hope that when they say "slight refinements" they mean that miniature GPS locaters have been woven into the fabric so State and Federal authorities may quickly locate and subdue a suspect before he flees the scene of the crime. A vast amount of suffering could be prevented if we just cut to the chase and stationed animal wranglers near the in-store displays. Like a deer to a salt lick, the would-be criminal will be unable to resist his attraction to the Zubaz. Drop a net, clip off his balls, cauterize the wound with a brand, and release.

A Zubaz rapeling emerges from its pod. Within 24 hours, it will have perpetrated its first assault. The rapeling joins its brood for a feeding of anabolic steroids & J├Ągermeister. View additional documentation of the Zubaz fan lifecycle here.


Jen said...

Why make new ones? I see plenty of people still wearing their faded pairs from 20 years ago, usually a middle aged Bears fan.

stexe said...

I typed 'zubaz' into google images and this was the first one up.

Lance Ehlers said...

Yeah, so did I. I thought about incorporating it somehow, but often times, it's more satisfying to stumble upon these things on your own. It's a pretty amazing photo.