Robot of the Week: Rom The Spaceknight

Dear impressionable kid, You may have been connived into making your parents buy Rom The Spaceknight because of this admittedly awesome TV promo: Well, tough luck. Consider this a lesson in diminished expectations. Yeah, we know... his head is silver, but his body is an ugly teal color. We were in such a hurry to get it on the market, there was a mixup at the factory in china. We also originally planned to put green LED lights in him, but the red ones are cheaper. And it may have helped if we made him more articulated; his only movable parts are the arms at the shoulder joints. But never mind that, Rom is a robot! (not really, he's supposed to be a cyborg) 1980 is right around the corner, and you deserve the most up-to-date computing power available. So lets explore Rom's true robotic potential. We've ensured that playtime with Rom will entail lots of tedious bullshit: to activate the energy analyzer, put it in his hand and plug it into his torso with the included cable. Then you'll see two buttons on his back. Press the left button five times to program him. Then press the right button to make it function. For the translator, you'll need to press the left button three times. rocket pack: once. respirator: twice. neutralizer: four times. Unless you have a good memory, don't lose these instructions! Have fun with your beeping, flashing, unposable piece of styrene, chump! -parker brothers (thanks to the tobor post for inspiration)